The very own thought of her could make her run through a weird sensation across her heart, her food pipe and flesh (budded with goose bumps) gave out inundating thoughts of how hypocrite she could be!! To have double thought bleeding when she’d rather settle on one. She shared almost everything with her friends, family and if more intense to her confidante. But if seen apart from sharing her daily dainty rituals and Gossips there were humongous talks which used to remain unsaid to those of her high frequency friends. And if reckon a bit louder it(not sure if it’s her heart or mind or soul ) said the reason behind not hashing out all the stuff before anyone was not merely lack of time devotion to friends or their forgetfulness or to mention- diversified thinking of two rather -an easy escape to dodge many unwelcomed thoughts from them—aauh…from friends of course !!
See like if she’d go for some placements and came back empty handed, she wouldn often confabulate about it to refrain sympathetic slid of their (FRNDS) emotions showering over her..she’d avoid telling them if she was dating someone they have unsettled issues with... she’d take pause and think twice to let them aware whom had she spent her last weekend with.. she’d certainly not ..avow if she was still going around with her X, she would not speak up cos at first instance it was never their matter of importance… if she had told them it wouldn have been a serious thought to dig into depths of these thoughts.. but were they ever were concerned??.. noa..noa !! she’d never share if at all she’d lost her virginity when they knew she had just broken up a week back.. She’d have never shown up if she had dated her friends fiancée, she’d never tell them that they hurt her when they are foolishly within themselves and she no more feels the same comfortable watch- them cuddling as they make her realize absence of her partner at that moment, why should she tell them that she had no penny less or no penny more.. or If she still had doubt on how close she felt with them.. why should she need to tell them that she needed them today or tonight and it’s impossible to come out of the trauma she’s had been dealing along
And then…there were some concentrated ineffable moments which left her perplexed..as in she’d never understand why do guys ask so many question when being hugged??.. gals like it to be silent..felt by body, touched by heart-Mind peace !! and yeah…most importantly.. Whenever ..whenever she’d want to break ice and empty her stomach before them her friends would be severely lost in their drinks.. so mind it !! It was never her mistake. she always meant to tell all this nuisance but pretty pity circumstances didn allow her to be a honker. Although when chattered, non-sense she did talk, she feverishly felt when she wanted to talk something BIG she fell somewhere SHORT !!! autistic. Now see, how silly it is to bespeak your friend..” hey stop it....just keep mum and sit beside me..thats it”.. umm ..hm.. !!! Anyways… It would have been nice if HE (I mean HE thy GOD) had given us a power to read minds.. !!
I hate her friends at times and I love them equitably. Its not always about being ME and ME and ME..but its sometimes about US and moreover its always about “YOU” in a friendship.. And she loved being theirs every possible time. I know it sounds like she’s possibly the second Gandhi frontier but yeah.. However they may be..and whatever ..However ghastly she could be..she liked them and I loved to be there for them.. NO matter who streamed into her account..!! she just felt awful when found herself desired and ended up no one to hang on and “TALK”.. however most of the times they were around her but some were intense moments which kind of had made her theirs home place and didn seem to brim over and was found to live inside of her till eternity dies.. but then this numbness of empty chats didn last more than a day to come alive and start over..!! Cheers !!
She….She was such alike ..no one would realize what she would be like..!! Certain thoughts are very personal..too personal to even deem over insightfully to oneself. There is no excuse why it should not be a part of a world other than oneself. Ceasing..!!
I hate her friends at times and I love them equitably. Its not always about being ME and ME and ME..but its sometimes about US and moreover its always about “YOU” in a friendship.. And she loved being theirs every possible time. I know it sounds like she’s possibly the second Gandhi frontier but yeah.. However they may be..and whatever ..However ghastly she could be..she liked them and I loved to be there for them.. NO matter who streamed into her account..!! she just felt awful when found herself desired and ended up no one to hang on and “TALK”.. however most of the times they were around her but some were intense moments which kind of had made her theirs home place and didn seem to brim over and was found to live inside of her till eternity dies.. but then this numbness of empty chats didn last more than a day to come alive and start over..!! Cheers !!
She….She was such alike ..no one would realize what she would be like..!! Certain thoughts are very personal..too personal to even deem over insightfully to oneself. There is no excuse why it should not be a part of a world other than oneself. Ceasing..!!
Rushali Ramteke,
