Dont they look similar ? on Twitpic

Dont they look similar ? on Twitpic

SPUN !

My superstition got me wishin' for another life and if I don't listen ..
I ain't gonna make it through another night and the pills 'n the caine and the drink and the drugs got me..
floating above ..
And the girls and cash the cars and the hash got me feelin' a rush..
A thousand voices in my head I don't know right from wrong ..
I'm breakin' down holdin' on I'm livin' song to song and Pipe you're my brother 'till the day that we die ..
I don't give a fuck who hears me cause ..
I ain't gonna lie so roll it up pour a cup drink it up smoke it up ..
I don't give a fuck we bout to blow this shit up ..

Four reckoning direction!!

Four directions emanates from my brain-stem, boundaries unknown. Unaware of where do they land or if they could concur except for their origin cognized that’s  me. They start from me yet, and yet they lose hold of me. I try to look, beyond my vision, and I see them smudged in rains, some at their yield point almost broken and at plasticity, some refraining to even come backwards to have  a word ,some beclouded by my own virtue, desires and slants.  

I try to make amends between all four but then they are recalcitrant and they have this shield protect like sun control cream having PH value that I cannot plow. How does it feel when someone you belong turns you off? Know what ?? Know what ?? I know exactly how it feels. My thoughts disown me sheer seconds after they uprose.                  

No sooner do I tend to take off, some unwelcomed directions land in to sabotage my fears of thoughts. And they come from my very own siblings trying to find DIRECTION for my life. Now, None,  None of these, none of these concur. Nor do I wish to make them meet, intrude or intervene.  

My life is managed by my editing tools sans an Undo. I make it bright , I make it colorless. I crop it if I wish to. I would !! I want my smart layer held fast. I filter it. I have its curve.

One fine day these directions shall meet with discernment. I don’t know when, where and how but I am working on it. Am I?? kidding am i? and when they shall, THE DAY WILL BE MINE ! Even if they do not, mere thought is plenty to keep myself stable. 

http://ingenuousrush.wordpress.com/

http://rushali.posterous.com/

Treasury notes !

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UMM:                :)

6:08 PM             i missed u the whole day

 HMM:              :(

 UMM:              .... i was like when this internet will work

                        and all

6:09 PM             its a good feeling to miss someone

                        somwhere when u get back in touch u feel so good..

navi link

SEO !!

Search engine optimization !! that is what I have been digging out since months. Joe, One of best friend helped me get through SEO thing. For a change I loved it too. I explored enough to take my first assignment on Odesk. Didn think I’d get my first job so soon on Odesk. SO !! It was bingo paradise for me as my stepping stone.  Imagine! my first work and that to for a site that works on  online gambling game.(phew!! Sounds notorious for a novice like me).  Somehow I managed to deal with it. submissions to the directories. look for PR. look for mirror sites. Yeah dealing with it was an issue especially  with not so happy, nescient kind of employer that I had.

It took me 2 months to get into another assignment. Probably I was busy with other engagements and didn’t  get time enough to go to odesk and see the updates. Now, when I have got my second assignment, the employer is taking too long to respond. Aaargh !!

In between… telephonic interview with a technical person from rankuno.. !! Damn !! why do people take telephonic interviews when they know the office is mere 5kms from my place. Anyways, I hate it when voice breaks and someone calls u on the door just when u find yourself suitably answering the recruiter over phone.  Why do I get so nervous over interview? Darn it !! Stability is missing. God.. Give me stability.

Life is such a play, if you have the remote control over life, you’ll enjoy playing it for hours and if you are being controlled by somebody else, life looks like a coo inside wall hung clock, singing in an interlude of each hour..making an appearance outside clock only when needed. I wish I could make it . I want to make it. Chance…chance is all what I need.  Aaaaah… sadness…. !! euphoria saddens ! 

Undialled

The very own thought of her could make her run through a weird sensation across her heart, her food pipe and flesh (budded with goose bumps) gave out inundating thoughts of how hypocrite she could be!!  To have double thought bleeding when she’d rather settle on one. She shared almost everything with her friends, family and if more intense to her confidante. But if seen apart from sharing her daily dainty rituals and Gossips there were humongous talks which used to remain unsaid to those of her high frequency friends. And if reckon  a bit louder it(not sure if it’s her heart or mind or soul ) said the reason behind not hashing out all the stuff before anyone was not merely lack of time devotion to friends or their forgetfulness or to mention- diversified thinking of two rather -an easy escape to dodge many unwelcomed thoughts from them—aauh…from friends of course !!

See like if she’d go for some placements and came back empty handed, she wouldn often confabulate about it to refrain sympathetic slid of their (FRNDS) emotions showering over her..she’d avoid telling them if she was dating someone they have unsettled issues with... she’d take pause and think twice to let them aware whom had she spent her last weekend with.. she’d certainly not ..avow if she was still going around with her X, she would not speak up cos at first instance it was never their matter of importance… if she had told them it wouldn have been a serious thought to dig into depths of these thoughts.. but were they ever were concerned??.. noa..noa !! she’d never share if at all she’d lost her  virginity when they knew she had just broken up a week back.. She’d have never shown up if she had dated her friends fiancée, she’d never tell them that they hurt her when they are foolishly within themselves and she no more feels the same comfortable watch- them cuddling as they make her realize absence of her partner at that moment, why should she tell them that she had no penny less or no penny more.. or If she still had doubt on  how close she felt  with them.. why should she need to tell them that she needed  them today or tonight and it’s impossible to come out of the trauma she’s  had been dealing along

And then…there were some concentrated ineffable moments which left her perplexed..as in she’d never  understand why do guys ask so many question when being hugged??.. gals like it to be silent..felt by body, touched by heart-Mind peace !!  and yeah…most importantly.. Whenever ..whenever she’d want to break ice and empty her stomach before them her friends would be severely lost in their drinks.. so  mind it !! It was never her mistake. she always meant  to tell all this nuisance but pretty pity circumstances didn allow her to be a honker.  Although when chattered,  non-sense she did talk,  she feverishly felt  when she wanted to talk something BIG she fell somewhere SHORT !!! autistic. Now see, how silly it is to bespeak your friend..” hey stop it....just keep mum and sit beside me..thats it”.. umm ..hm.. !!!  Anyways… It would have been nice if  HE (I mean HE thy GOD) had given us a power to read minds.. !!


 I hate her friends at times and I love them equitably. Its not always about being ME and ME and ME..but its sometimes about US and moreover its always about “YOU” in a friendship.. And she loved being theirs every possible time. I know it sounds like she’s possibly the second Gandhi frontier but yeah.. However they may be..and whatever ..However ghastly she could be..she liked them and I loved to be there for them.. NO matter who streamed into her account..!! she just felt awful when found herself  desired and ended up no one to hang on and “TALK”.. however most of the times they were around her but some were intense moments which kind of had made her theirs home place and didn seem to brim over and was found to live inside of her till eternity dies.. but then this numbness of empty chats didn last more than a day to come alive and start over..!! Cheers !!


  She….She was such alike ..no one would realize what she would be like..!! Certain thoughts are very personal..too personal to even deem over insightfully to oneself. There is no excuse why it should not be a part of a world other than oneself.  Ceasing..!!  

Rushali Ramteke,

http://noetic-ingenuity.blogspot.com/

http://rushali.posterous.com/

awaaz

Woh  humse guzarish karte hai ki meri in khamosh andaz-e-bayaan ko lafzo ka naam de

Humne toh gumsum si khamoshi unke naam qurbaan bhi kar di

Par ab tak saath nibhati khamoshi ye bardasht bhi kaise karti?

Khamosh lafzo ko samjha hai na samjhega koi kabhi yeh ehsaas toh us nadaan ko malum tha

Raas na aaya yeh mod zindagi ka jo kamabkht khamoshi ne awaaz ko nazar lagayi

Hoth toh humare khulne hi lage the ki parindo ne fadfadake hakikat sunayi

Kamjori hai unki jo woh humare maikhane aate

Do gham bhulake saath rangeen sama lipataye leke jaate 

Sau waadein woh karte hai, Sath nibhane ke unche unche khwab dikhate

aur fir khud hi khudko humara mehman batate 

llo karlo baat...!

Hum unki taaqat hai, woh humari kamjori kaise ban gaye?

Us darwaaze pe naina tikaye hai jaha roshni ne bhi paigam na pohchaye

Dhun jo gana chahe ye man, uske raag bhi kachche-pakka sa

Jis dil pe aahat dale baithe hai woh dil bhi beimaan dagabaaz sa

Is darwaaze ki khunti nahi hai sarkaar

Jab jazbaat umadh padhe rahega ye khula darbaar

Baarish toh tum aane se baras padi thi jaaneman

Mitti ki khushboo toh bas tera jism jata raha tha

Darr hai pal bitaye yuhi na mit jaaye

Armaan jo jagaaye who mitti aankho mai na dhas jaye..

Puri hai yeh kavita jo tum is dil mai bas jaao

Adhuri ho jaye yeh kahaani jo ruswa ke tum chale jaao!!!!

(original hai bossss....)
Rushali Ramteke,
http://noetic-ingenuity.blogspot.com/
http://rushali.posterous.com/